Let me preface this posting with a heartfelt disclaimer: I do not mean anything negative by what I say or the questions I ask. I am not questioning your decisions or judging you for them. I am merely expressing how my mind works and hoping to get some other opinions/points of view. I hope you all can help (if you are still out there since I've been absent).
Here it goes: I have never really been the motherly type. Truly, if you knew me, you would know this to be true. I do not have that natural nurturing ability, lack in sympathy and imagination, and wanted to be a grown up for as long as I can remember. Even as a child I got better along with adults than other kids my age. I think this is one large reason I've never had a desire to have children of my own. I really just don't get them. I can't relate to their imaginary world as mine is based in reality and logic (something children typically lack). But as I am growing up and now planning a future with Mr. Sir, the topic of children has come up. My stance previous to Tom had always been "absolutely not, no way I am ever having kids. They are expensive (in every sense of the word) and offer very little return. Worst investment ever. No". Well, as many had told me before, this opinion started shifting as I could see my future with Tom becoming a reality.
However, I still can list MANY more reasons not to have children than to have them. But I think I must be missing a piece of the puzzle or a point in the argument, because most people have kids and seem to love them. I know I have a number of mother readers out there, I'm hoping you can help enlighten me. I know Tom has a desire for children but is okay with not having them. Anyway, before we make final decisions I would like all sides to the argument/coin/insert euphemism here.
I hope you can help. Thank you. :)
I am not a mom but this is an easy one. For every bad item on your list that will keep repeating over and over again through out their life. The first time they look into yours eyes and giggle, run to you when you come home, or a a variety of other things the bad list resets and it starts all over again. I am not sure i want another one but I wouldn't trade mine for anything.
ReplyDeleteOk so I was/am like you. I always said if I ever did have kid they better come out walking, talking and potty trained. Then I was asked well what age is a good age. I was like I have a degree to teach HS so that age but I guess if I have to look younger, let's go, 6. Then low and behold, what did I get, a walking, talking, potty trained 6 year old. She is my fiance's daughter. I'll admit the first time she said I love you I melted. Now I also have to deal with a dumb ex-wife in the mix who makes life hell but my now 7 year old isn't as bad although she doesn't quit talking... maybe I should have re-thought that. I'm still not sure I want to have kids myself because at least this way I still have a lot of freedom b/c she lives with her mom but I think you learn to cope and deal. I had more freedom before her and I'm learning every day. Now if that dumb cow of an ex-wife would go away my life would be perfect. I'd even take his daughter full time if that were the case :)
ReplyDeleteThank you both :)
ReplyDeleteYou are right. Kids are very expensive, a ton of work, often with little reward for all the love and time you put in. On the flip, kids are fun and lovable and interesting. They are miniature buddies to laugh and have fun with, to share ideas with, to learn from and to pass on what you know. The Bible says that kids are a reward from God and that the man who has a quiver full is blessed. I always thought I was. My kids... I like them all! Always have (well, it was iffy at times in teen years...ahem). I was never that fond of other people's kids (until Brandon and the twins came along), but I loved mine and still think they are the best!
ReplyDeleteOh.... i have seen you with those darling twin girls... you were awesome with them! and you are very nurturing!!! also, not having kids if that's what you and Tom agree on is best for you guys, is A-OK, too. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks mom...on both accounts :)
ReplyDeleteAll I can say is that the love a parent has for her/his kids defies logic. I can imagine my life without my children, and the freedom that would afford, but the joy they bring me is worth far more than any experience I could possibly fathom.
ReplyDeleteThank you. :)
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